Having a wobble...

Wobble's are how, since having our little fighter last year, we describe an 'I can't cope' moment in our family.
Obviously when our littlest one was at at his worst, wobbles were quite a frequent occurrence (mostly by me). Overall though I think we were quite surprised with how we kept it together. 


Because I am a Mummy's girl and 'I want my mum' whenever something bad happens my worst wobbles tended to be when said mother was around. Sorry Mum, I don't think that's ever going to change! 


Since the little man has been home I have only had little mini wobbles rather than the full blown jelly on a plates that occurred when he was in hospital.


We are really happy with how he is doing and can see that he gets stronger by the day so I could kick myself for thinking about the times when he was so small and fragile. I know I'll always have those memories and images in my head but its hard to say what triggers off them resurfacing out of nowhere. We have a hospital appointment this week but it is for his general development because he was born prematurely rather than with the cardiac specialists which isn't until the end of May. If anything, I quite like going to the development centre to discuss how he is getting on and get advice from the doctor regarding how to encourage his progress. However, maybe subconsciously any medical appointments we have with the little guy will stir the memories of the bad times. 


Some of the memories and mental images I hold of the time straight after he was born are special in a good way:  having to wait to be able to touch my own baby made the event so much more special; the first time he wore clothes; the first time I saw his face after weeks on a ventilator; the first time I tried to breast feed him; the first time I could stand up with my baby in my arms without the worry and complication of a tangle of wires attached to him; being told he could come home. 


As lovely as these memories are they are very much wobble inducers. In all honesty I've been a bit scared of thinking about the little guys bad times for fear of having a melt down! However, I've come to the conclusion that little wobbles are perfectly healthy and normal and will now try to embrace them. Remembering the negative things every now and again only increases the positive emotions when I look at how well our 'not so little anymore' star is doing.


xx